Album Reviews New

Adele-25 [album review]


I (foolishly) relinquished my power to my good pal Syntrell. Here’s her review of an album I probably won’t listen to until March 2016: Adele-25.

So my buddy Ron the don finally agreed to let me post on his blog. And he let me cover one of the most iconic artists of our time! our fav ratchet thick girl from across the pond…Adele.

I know little about music. but I’m pretty hilarious so I’m just gonna tell you my initial reactions and pretend it’s a review. First up…

How are you? I mean if you haven’t heard this song yet like…wtf are you doing with life? It’s literally been playing non stop since it dropped. In this song adele teaches us that even the most basic, flip phone- cuz-I- can’t- afford- a- data- plan among us can be flawless as fuck with a little contouring. and that’s a lesson we all needed to learn

Send my love
Uncharacteristically bouncy. Like I wanna dance. I could drink at a bar with my white friends to this.

But this song is perfect for when you wanna be shady and classy at the same time. I mean it’s just something in the way adele sings we ain’t young no mo (yasss for british ebonics) that makes me think her ex’s new girl got a big forehead and no booty. But as usual Adele has risen above us mere mortals to create teamNOpetty and I’m here for it. Everyone take out your new years resolutions and repeat after me:  I shall not be petty in 2016.  Together we can make the world a better place.

I Miss You
I’ve never before seen adele and thought that’s bae. But when she asks to fall into my gravity I thought…wait…adele can literally get it. Shout out to all the thick girls who will get laid thanks to this.

When We Were Young
Your respite is over. welcome to your feelings, a special place usually reserved for too much wine, pixar movies, and now adele. Actually this has a Broadway type sound and I could also also totz hear Rachel from Glee sing this. Which, I won’t take it personally if that last sentence made you completely disregard my taste and opinions.

This will have you in your feelings too, but only because it’s a gentle reminder that it’s thanksgiving and you still don’t have a winter bae. Let’s all just take a deep sigh, lower our standards, and find someone to be our remedy before this cold weather really kicks in.

Water Under the Bridge
I didn’t realize when I agreed to this how much writing there’d be. This song is kinda meh to me but ask me again when I finish my wine.

River Lea
I just don’t know to feel about this one. The words are lovely. But idk. It sounds very country to me. not a huge fan. Also I had to consult a map so points deducted for that

Love in the Dark
Oh I’m not crying. It’s just something in my eye.
Also “take your eyes off of me so I can leave; I’m far to ashamed to do it with you watching me” is the new slogan of every thot that don’t wanna be saved. But essentially it’s a song about a girl no longer feeling dude but still hittin because #millinnials. Except it’s adele so for some reason it’s still touching a part of your soul that you didn’t realize had been neglected for so long.

Million Years
Is Adele actually 25? Cuz suddenly I feel like she’s my grandma just rocking away wisely sipping tea as she watches me make the same mistakes she did when she was young.

All I Ask
I literally don’t have words. But like everyone else with internet, having nothing to say won’t deter me from talking. This is like a Whitney Houston type song. I mean, not really, but it’s a dramatic breakup song that requires insane vocals that she pulls off flawlessly. Like I said “you betta sang” out loud no less than 34 times while listening. Y’all…this is….just go listen. Have tissue on standby.

Sweetest Devotion
The refrain sounds like every Christian rock song at those modern churches where you stand up awkwardly while some band with a subpar light show jams out to their jesus music on stage. But umm I guess. I’m sure other ppl will love it. Shout out to all the Christians that will get laid thanks to this song…oh wait…

Overall, obviously go buy the album, if for no other reason than the vain hope that your ten meager dollars will send a message to the music industry that yes, we actually do want to hear music. With instruments and vocalists and even thought out lyrics.

But it’s not as emotional as 21. If the theme of 21 is break ups suck, then 25 is break ups suck, but then one day they suck less. And eventually they suck so much less that your primitive brain gets selective amnesia and actually starts believing love is possible again.

And that’s the silver lining we all have to look forward to. Now really, go lower your standards and get a winter bae. Cuz no one wants to be alone with Adele during a snow storm.
the end


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