You were probably one of the millions who ran to theaters this weekend to chase nostalgia. The Power Rangers was important to our childhood but we often lose historical context. We only remember the greats. No one remembers the bench player. The 90s had a lot of greats, but trust me, there were a lot of bench players.
Because I love inflicting pain and agony, I’d like to take the time to remind you of all the horrible Power Rangers rip-offs you suppressed from your memory.
Big Bad Beetleborgs
Some kids go to some haunted house, bump into a pipe organ. Want me to stop here? Too bad. This organ releases a ghost that grants them one wish because ghosts can grant wishes, you know? Instead of wishing for wealth, ending world hunger, or making the world a peaceful place, these little assholes wish to become their favorite comic book characters: The Big Bad Beetleborgs. Not only is this a waste of a wish, they’re also infringing on intellectual property. They’re lucky they didn’t receive a cease and desist letter. When they wished to become The Beetleborgs, they also wished the villains into existence too. This officially makes them the worst heroes ever.
I watched this show when nothing else was on but I didn’t really love it. It only lasted 2 seasons, which shouldn’t be surprising given the description above.
Superhuman Samurai Syber Squad
Know what kids like? More than Dunkaroos, fruit snacks, 3D Doritos and Mondo juices? Alliteration. Gotta force in an ‘S’ instead of a ‘C’ to make it work? Who cares! Superhuman Samurai Syber Squad was a show about kids who would get zapped into a computer to fight viruses. If Norton Antivirus had the clout the have now, this show wouldn’t have happened. Be careful what you download, folks.
As I’m sure you can imagine, this show only lasted 1 season. This show provided a dope line of toys, though. That’s the silver lining.
In another universe, VR Troopers wouldn’t have been that bad. But this show was brought in as a sister series to Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers and the Rangers were already wildly popular at this point. Yes, there is too much of a good thing. VR Troopers crash and burned quickly due to crappy ratings and the early exhausting of Japanese stock footage. Goodbye, VR Troopers, we hardly ever knew ye’.
If I remember correctly, The Masked Rider was the only show that was a direct spin-off of Power rangers. Which means instead of listing the problems of this show, I can just copy and paste from the entry above. But I won’t. This show crashed so hard that it didn’t even get a full season.
Before we jump into the next one, allow me to preface. I wouldn’t lie to you, you know that right? I’m not here to pull your leg. I’m not here to provide alternative facts. What I’m about to show you really happened. It was a thing. It existed. So please, brace yourself.
Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters from Beverly Hills
Here is visual proof that this actually happened! I told you! I know, your first thought is “What the hell is this?” and that’s a very valid question. Tattooed Teenage I’m not typing the rest of that out ran on USA, not Fox. It was a clear attempt to get in on the teenage superhero fad. Just one problem: This was the worst idea ever.
I can’t even imagine this being pitched.
“Ok, picture it. Picture it. Teenagers. With tattoos. Fighting Aliens. In Beverly Hills. That’s the premise, but I don’t have a name for it yet”
I hate this show with the fury of 1000 suns. Even as a kid, I was still smart enough to see how stupid this show was.
In closing, when we think of the 90s, we only think of the good times. This is true for sports, music and any other form of entertainment. For every great thing you remember, there were at least three bad counterparts.