You’ve seen Infinity War by now. This post started off as a review but I decided to change the direction after seeing what it was becoming. My review: Freaking awesome. What’s far more important, anyway, is ranking Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. This movie seamlessly weaved together a wide range of characters all in different locations. So here is my hero ranking from least favorite to favorite.
Not even worthy of a ranking: Peter Quill
This guy doesn’t even get an alias from now on. He’s Peter Quill. Half-celestial, half asshole, 100% idiot. Out of all of the head-scratching decisions in Infinity War, Quill definitely has the biggest of them all. Yes, killing your girlfriend is a tough thing to do but the universe is vast, man. Not killing Gamora before his gun turned into bubbles wasn’t even his biggest mistake. It was ripping his own plan to shreds. Yes, I get it, he was distraught over the death of Gamora but the gauntlet was almost off. With the gauntlet removed, the day is saved and the Avengers are victorious once again. Wait until then to beat Thanos with your tiny little gun. Then again, this movie would have only been an hour and a half if they succeeded. Either way, Quill is the most useless man in the universe.
I wish we had a screen grab for the Hulk but it simply doesn’t exist. Good job by the Marvel team of putting a non-existent scene into the trailer because The Hulk was nowhere to be found. He appeared within the first five minutes of the movie but Thanos beat him into having erectile dysfunction. Dr. Banner, God bless him, wasn’t completely useless in this movie. He did conveniently have the Hulkbuster armor (although no one explained how it got to Wakanda so we’ll excuse that). But if Banner can’t Hulk out The Avengers lose one of their most powerful members. Hulk would definitely be dead last but, you know, Peter Quill.
9. Scarlet Witch/Vision
I had to group these two together for obvious reasons. First, as much as I like Elizabeth Olsen, I think she’s the only miscast of the MCU. However, she is so much better in this movie and I don’t hold anything against her because Scarlet Witch hasn’t really been developed like most characters in this series. Paul Bettany, on the other hand, he’s just completely over all of it. He was only here to be Tony Stark’s Alexa. He didn’t sign up to be a nude android wearing a cape. Putting these two characters together produced a fan favorite couple in the comics but left a lot to be desired on-screen. Maybe it’s because there hasn’t been a lot of screen time to devote to their romance, but I found it hard to buy. Vision’s evolution into his human form kinda solves of the plot-busting question of why he never used the Mind Stone but still, why didn’t he use to mind stone???
I actually don’t even have a reason why. He’s played by Anthony Mackie, that’s enough for me.
7. War Machine
Seriously, he’s just happy to be alive.
6. The Avenger Formerly Known As Captain America
I don’t care how cool his dark “Secret Avengers” suit looks, or the fact that runs faster than a man who draws his powers from fallen kings before him, or his ability to engage hand-to-hand with a titan, I refuse to like this guy again. I don’t care. Apologize to Tony, then I’ll care.
5. Black Widow/Okoye
This turned out to be one of the biggest surprise pairings of the movie. Natasha was already pretty kick-ass for being able to take on Proxima Midnight. Okoye still has the best side-eye in the galaxy. The fight scene with these two was pretty great. Wanda can’t be paired with these two fierce ladies because she’s too busy doing other things besides killing Vision.
Some actors just play their roles. They put on a suit and show up to work. Not Tom Holland. As far as I’m concerned, he is Spider-Man. At the first sign of danger, he springs into action. This isn’t seasoned Spider-Man, this is still friendly neighborhood Spidey but he darts towards a hovering disc anyway. You can see the excitement and burden on his face when Tony ceremoniously knights him into Avengerhood. Did you know spiders can lift up to 150 times their weight? Well, you do now because that’s how strong Spider-Man is. The huge flying ship crashes into Titan without Spider-Man there to direct it. Also, Peter shows his chops for being a future leader of the Avengers by coming up with yet another great plan derived from an “old” movie.
3. Iron Man
Even Cap says it himself, did you catch it? “Earth’s best avenger”. This doesn’t count as an apology, by the way. I’ve been waiting for the Bleeding Edge armor since The Mandarin. It’s glorious. With Tony’s new nanotech armor, his suit is able to take more of a beating than previous Mark models. Also, with his ability to wield weapons at will, he’s able to go on the offensive versus Thanos and the Black Order.
The first Thor movie was bad but it wasn’t that bad. I also need to take time to say Thor: The Dark World is one of my guilty pleasures of the MCU. Thor: Ragnarok was pretty ungood to me and I won’t be convinced otherwise. Basically, Thor’s trilogy isn’t the greatest. Even when he’s appeared in the ensemble movies, he’s been relegated to comedic relief. He’s the dumb blonde of the MCU. I’m glad Thor’s character arc was fully fleshed out in this movie. Thor has to laugh through the trauma, go across space to forge another weapon AND THEN almost manages to save the day. Really, Thor coming through with Stormbreaker is probably the best part of this movie.
1. Doctor Strange
To recap, Thor managed to take on the full blast of a star while forging and ax that only he is worthy enough to hold but Doctor Strange is still number one? Yes. First, I knew pairing Strange with Stark provide great banter and my prediction didn’t come back false. Second, we finally got to see more of the dark arts. Finally, trust the process. As aggravating as it was to see Strange hand over the Time Stone, he scanned every possible scenario and knew this was the only way. Thanos had to win in order for the Avengers to have a chance to win. His final message “this was the only way” was cryptic but now Tony knows they have a chance, no matter how small.
T’Challa, the remainder of the guardians, and Bucky are missing from the rankings intentionally. Black Panther didn’t get enough screen time. The Guardians are led by Peter Quill so they’re guilty by association. Bucky: See Steve Rogers. Also, shout out to Wong for pretending he left the stove on in order to run back to the Sanctum.
So which Infinity War heroes are your favorite? Least Favorite?