“You haven’t posted power rankings in..”
Mind your business. I’ll post when I please.
I owe Alex an apology, cause I laughed when he said that his Eagles would in the NFC East. Right now he looks to be right by a mile, and I don’t see anyone in their division catching them.
Tier 6: Yuck
#32. Cleveland Browns – We’ve been calling the Browns lovable losers since they came back to the league 20 years ago. The talent is there, the coaching is there, the QB isn’t the only issue. There’s something else. I don’t know what.
#31. New York Giants – Honestly, they should be the ones in last place. That was as bad of a performance as I’ve ever seen.
#30. San Francisco 49ers – CJ Beatherd torched the Giants like he was….um….shoot I don’t know.
#29. Indianapolis Colts – Jacoby Brissett is just playing for a job next year. He don’t even care man.
#28. Cincinnati Bengals – I love Marvin Lewis, I REALLY do, but this is AWFUL man.
#27. Miami Dolphins – Jay Cutler hasn’t given a single damn since he came out the womb. I’d bet money on it.
Tier 5: That time Team Rocket got tired of their motto, so they tried a song
#26. Arizona Cardinals – This is slowly becoming the Ryan Lindley season all over again….except without a playoff game.
#25. Houston Texans – Tom Savage might be the worst QB in the league, and that’s in a league where Deshone Kizer and Brock Osweiler exist
#24. New York Jets – I TRIED TO TELL YOU THAT JOSH MCCOWN WILL DO JUST ENOUGH TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE HE’S GOING TO SAVE YOU BUT THEN ULTIMATELY Y’ALL WILL GO 6-10
#23. LA Chargers – I’ve never seen a team try to give someone a game the way the Chargers tried to give that last one to Jacksonville….and vice versa
#22. Chicago Bears – I don’t know about Trubisky man. He MIGHT be good in the long run, he shows the ability. I just want better for my boy Jordan Howard.
#21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Philly Dream Team 09 vibes
Tier 4: When you’re all out of juice so you just add sugar to water
#20. Denver Broncos – This team is good enough to go like 9-7 but they have two piss poor QBs, but no be sassy and don’t sign Kaepernick.
#19. Green Bay Packers – I have no idea how they pulled off that win.
#18. Oakland Raiders – We REALLY underestimated how bad their defense would be this season. Derek Carr may not be enough to slide into a wildcard.
#17. Dallas Cowboys – This spot is temporary. I don’t know how long Dak stays upright with a turnstyle at left tackle.
#16. Baltimore Ravens – Gonna be completely honest, I have not paid attention to this team. I think this spot is fair.
#15. Detroit Lions – They’re like good enough to be a playoff team, but then again, they’re not. It’s the weirdest thing.
#14. Washington – I have to give Kirk his respect. Buddy has largely balled this season.
Tier 3: I can’t find unmodified episodes of Histeria! on Youtube
#13. Tennessee Titans – They get it done and Marriotta is the real deal, but that offense is predictable.
#12. Atlanta Falcons – Speaking of predictable offenses….I’m not going to make an alcoholism joke cause that’s below the belt. Matt is getting back into his groove, receivers just need to hang onto the ball.
#11. Jacksonville Jaguars – Blake Bortles does everything he possibly can to not have his job. Doug Marone made him throw 51 times for no reason other than Bortles must have made a pass at his wife or something. That defense is FIRE by the way.
#10. Kansas City Chiefs – Lost 3 games in a row. They do this every year. I don’t know why they’re in my top 10. I. Don’t. Know.
#09. Buffalo Bills – Got the tar beat out of them but are still built well enough to end the playoff drought.
#08. Seattle Seahawks – They’re going to miss Sherman, dearly. We’ll see how bad come Monday night.
Tier 2: Gary Oak is still Gary Oak
#07. Carolina Panthers – There’s no reason this team should be winning the way they are. Although you CAN draw it up to awful playcalling by Atlanta and Jay Cutler simply not giving a damn.
#06. Minnesota Vikings – Dog. CASE KEENUM?
#05. Pittsburgh Steelers – Oh yeah, while we were napping, they ended up 7-2. I don’t know how either.
#04. New England Patriots – Ho hum.
Tier 1: Wait, hold on, WHAT?
#03. New Orleans Saints – The thing we were scared of the most has finally happened: The Saints got a running game and a pass rush. Good luck.
#02. Los Angeles Rams – I was one of the people who wrote off Jared Goff, I did. I’m sorry Jared. Forgive me. Also, buy Sean McVay all the prostitutes.
#01. Philadelphia Eagles – Wentz is playing out of his mind. They have a great rotation of running backs. Defense is flying. Doug Pederson doing jumping jacks buck naked all over I-95.