Suicide Squad Review featuring @AJ_Phx,@CheesusSlice, and @RonQuixote_

Previous: “Why Suicide Squad Can’t Suck”


In addition to AJ, Sky is here also. No introductions this time around, I’m going to just jump straight into. Jesus Christ Lord, where do I begin?

Ah, I got it! Let me start off with a story.

After Batman & Robin, ideas were pitched for the next Batman movie. Idea after idea was scrapped until a young, new director was contacted in 2003 to direct the next Batman movie. This script would break the continuity of the Joel Schumacher movie and reboot Batman completely. This movie was Batman Begins, the first chapter of The Dark Knight trilogy. Although Batman Begins was a refreshing take on the Batman character, it wasn’t until The Dark Knight that the world was changed forever. From now on, superhero movies could be serious. They could be  blockbuster events and critically acclaimed movies at the same time.

Long story short, DC has no one but themselves to blame for their shortcomings. No one hates DC movies, we just hate their ineptitude. DC/Warner Brothers is the same studio that produced the fantastic Dark Knight trilogy, now they’re creating the Justice League universe as nothing but a cash grab in order to compete with Marvel.

I’m sure you see where this is going already…

I’ve never written a script in my damn life but I know enough to know that every movie idea should have a statement of purpose. The who. The when. The where. And ultimately, the why?

WHY the fuck are we making this movie?” Since Suicide Squad doesn’t quite seem to be in plans for DC going forward and did little to expand the DC Extended Universe, why the fuck was this made?

The myriad of problems this movies has really lies with it didn’t need to be made in the first place. This movies plays out like an extended trailer ,not a movie. There’s absolutely no plot, the pacing sucks, it’s ugly, poorly written and basically a piece of shit. This is seriously the worst movie I’ve seen this year and that’s including Batman v. Superman (which I disliked), X-Men: Apocalypse (which I really hated).

Amanda Waller (Ummm did anybody else think they revived Bernie Mack to play Waller? I honestly didn’t know that was Viola Davis until the credits rolled – Sky) walks in and says “Hey, the world is fucked up, but we have fucked up people to balance it out” and plop, here’s the Suicide Squad. There dropped on the street and 75% of the movie happens that same night. Since no plot was established, there’s no climax. There’s no moment in this movie that says: THIS IS THE MOMENT! Shit just kinda happens. Midway into this movie I was still physically at the movies, but I was daydreaming about the Key Lime Talenti that was back home.

talenti key lime pie gelato pint

Which is divine by the way. Seriously, the first bite of this is far more interesting than this movie. As the movie progressed, I realized how appropriate the title was. I began to become jealous of Diablo’s powers. I found myself wanting to die from self-immolation to avoid having to watch the rest of this movie. I am willing to accept any consequences because two hours of this movie is definitely longer than an eternity in hell.   It sucks that much.

So let me stop my rant to actually dig into the movie. I loved Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn. She was as awesome as anticipated. Although Leto makes for an interesting Joker, I’m not so sure I’m feeling his iteration of The Joker. The performance is cool but the character doesn’t quite work for me. Not bad at all, but just a version of this iconic character that will take time getting used to. On another note, I would have been interested in seeing the version of this script with Tom Hardy as Rick Flagg. But he’d rather sleep in an caribou’s asshole in Alaska than make this movie. The role ultimately went to Joel Kinnaman which means less screen time for him and more for everyone else. This means more Will Smith.Notice I said more Will Smith and not more Deadshot because this was just Will Smith dressed up as Deadshot


I really liked Jai Courtney as a drunk ex Rugby player. But poor you if you’re a Slipknot fan. The career of the metal band lasted longer than his on-screen time.

I think I hate this movie more because I think there’s a better version out there. The version of this movie that was meant to be released would’ve been great. It was incredibly bad timing that the initial screenings of this movie were around the same time as the BvS bad press. The brass thought the dark tone was the problem so they did reshoot after reshoot. This lead to that cheesy bar scene and the weird pacing of the movie in general. The editor of this movie had to have been blasting OT Genasis while doing his work. I think DC panicked and killed this movie on their own.

[For what it’s worth, the Batman v. Superman extended cut makes so much more sense]

I could go on and on about the problems of this movie but the problems are just a DC problem in general. When DC gave Nolan the keys it was one director with one vision. An extended universe is multiple directors and different visions. Up until months ago, DC had no creative leader. Yes, Nolan remained on to be an executive producer of Man of Steel but he went away after that. The lack of having someone to say “no” killed continuity. Even though Marvel has its hiccups, their movies have a distinct look and feel. This is because of Kevin Feige. DC has corrected this by promoting Geoff Johns (and Affleck as exec producer) but you have to ask the question: Why did it take three movies to do this???

Who thought it was a great idea to lay a foundation for an entire movie universe with no President of the universe? That’s how you get Batman v Superman being 3 movies squeezed into one. That’s how you get Suicide Squad being made for no apparent reason. Seriously, fire the writer who didn’t think a Batman &Robin movie explaining Joker and Harley Quinn’s role in the death of Robin would have been a great idea. If you blinked, you would’ve missed this detail.

But this is DC’s copout, they “make movies for the fans”. They assume going into it that you already know. Well this copout doesn’t work when the movies are still shitty. I know I come off as a Marvel fan boy but I’d be the first to tell you that every movie in the universe isn’t golden. But, they at least have a plan. There’s a level of quality control to be expected. Seems like DC is just winging it. Yes I know, this is still their first phase of this universe but it seems they’re making it harder on themselves than it should be. But I’m getting longwinded, I’ll stop here.

For what it’s worth, I’m still stoked for Wonder Woman and even Justice League. But fuck this movie. DC has time to right this ship but they better do it quick. Aquaman and Cyborg movies could be coming to a value DVD near you.

What do you get when you take a group of not-so-good people and put them together for the greater good to stop a maniac bent on the destruction of all life, while set to a backdrop of music with some jokes thrown in? Well, if it works, you get Guardians of the Galaxy, if it doesn’t, you get Suicide Squad. It’s kind of funny when you think about it, since DC has repeatedly tried to distance themselves from Marvel and their formula and they ended up making a terrible version of one of the MCU’s critical darlings. I could type a separate post on all of the reasons the MCU works and why the DCEU (so far) has not, but that’s not why we’re here.

Suicide Squad was doomed to failure from its inception. Sure, the idea to introduce the Rogues of some of the heroes that make up the Justice League SEEMS like a good idea on paper. You’re building up some backstory for a few villains without wasting screen time during the solo films and you’re establishing how the villains continuously get back out on the street. The problem with that is, you haven’t done a good job establishing the heroes themselves. This film just sort of happens. It’s just walking into a room and having sex, no foreplay, no pleasantries. It has the opposite problem of Fantastic 4, which was all build up with no payoff.

Viola Davis, Will Smith and Margot Robbie are the only saving graces to the movie. Amanda Waller is poised to play that grey area between the League and the Evils of their world perfectly and act in a way similar to MCU Phase 1 Nick Fury, albeit, more morally ambiguous (if Davis stays around). Will Smith does what he can with the material to bring life to a C-list Batman villain (still think he took this role as a way to get Jaden a major role in the DCEU or Arrowverse). Robbie’s Harley Quinn is by far the star of the show. Her portrayal of the Jester to the Clown Prince of Crime is nothing short of amazing. And speaking of Mr. J, he was one of the biggest reasons for this film being so hyped and his appearance amounts to little more than a cameo and a glorified side story that does nothing to advance the plot. However, if the Joker is to be the tails to Batman’s heads, we saw the seeds that might lead this to being a perfect on-screen match. All I know is, Geoff Johns has his hands full.


The producers of this movie really didn’t give damn about establishing real backstories for these characters. Yes, we know Harley Quin was basically brainwashed by the Joker and that Deadshot is a hired hand with a soft spot for his daughter but the issue is the weak reasoning for why they’re being held captive by Waller. As Ron stated earlier Waller walks into a restaurant and pretty much says hey we got this random set of villains we’re gonna cut loose on other villains and through various cutaways of Batman capturing Harley for a traffic violation and running up on Deadshot in an alley while his with his child we are led to piece everybody else together ourselves. As a casual fan seeing this movie for the first time, how are you supposed to know what a meta-human is if you haven’t read a comic or at the very least watched The Flash? 

Anyway, back to the Joker. Many people don’t like Leto’s portrayal but to that I say, you can’t expect someone to Heath Ledger or even Jack Nicholson for that matter. I believe Leto brought a different kind of mental instability to Batman’s most demented foe. You got to see, if only for a brief moment, how he gets into the minds of his target (Harley). Unlike Ledger, Leto’s Joker seems way more unstable and on edge which kinda contradicts the actions of the otherwise calculating and menacing previous iterations of the character. I feel the makers of this film screwed up in not having a bigger role for the Joker. I, personally, don’t give a s*&^ about Deadshot and if i had known he would have pretty much the lead role in the movie and wouldn’t have wasted my mom’s time trying to get me her free movie tickets. I understand why they had to mislead us, Deadshot doesn’t put asses in the seats but don’t tell us how hard Leto prepared for the role and all the craziness that happened on set just to give us maybe 10 full minutes of a twisted love story filler. 

Overall, this movie sucked. I wasn’t entertained. I found it rather campy and forced. I like to be courted, DC. Please understand that when preparing to give us Justice League. Foreplay is just as important.

Well that concludes this review. The summer blockbuster period has unfortunately come to a close. We’ll see you again when The Greatest Actor of All Time bka Benedict Cumberbatch suits up as Doctor Strange.


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