Herm Edwards ain’t coached in college since I was born.
I’m almost 30.
Falcons only put up 9 points. Let’s go.
Tier #6: “We scored enough points, in my estimation, to win the game”
#32. Denver Broncos – At least have the damn decency to put up a fight. Look at Cleveland over there, at least they’re getting their a** whipped with PRIDE!
#31. New York Giants – “I’m here until my keycard doesn’t work” – Ben McAdoo, less than 12 hours before his keycard no longer worked
#30. Cleveland Browns
#29. Houston Texans – Savage ACTUALLY lowkey had an alright game.
#28. San Francisco 49ers – Is Garropolo the future? Maybe. Are the Bears bad? No.
#27. Chicago Bears – Just poorly coached.
Tier #5: “Your mom and dad gave you a real name. It ain’t DA. Your name is Damon. It’s a nice name.”
#26. Arizona Cardinals – Yo, hold on, is Blaine Gabbert not being trash?
#25. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Jameis been eating Ls ever since he said they were gonna eat the W. No, seriously, I know that’s Courtnee’s God-Brother but what the hell was that bruh?
#24. Cincinnati Bengals – “Marvin Lewis somehow still has a job” – me since 2009
#23. Washington Redskins – frustrated grunt
#22. Indianapolis Colts – This team just kind of exists right now. They’re generic FCS team from the NCAA games.
#21. Miami Dolphins – Gotta combine the DNA of Donald Trump, Marvin Lewis and Jay Cutler so I can get jobs I don’t qualify for, keep it for under-performing because there are literally ZERO expectations and get overpaid for it.
Tier #4: “It would have been a great story if Brooks (Bollinger) had went out there and scored 21 points, … That would have been great theater.”
#20. Dallas Cowboys – Nope, still mid. Dak is in a funk and you’re not making the playoffs.
#19. Buffalo Bills – They can move onto the Peterman era like they always wanted. I hope Tyrod goes somewhere he’s actually appreciated.
#18. Kansas City Chiefs – They’re having one of the biggest in-season collapses we’ve ever seen and we are simply ignoring it. I hate y’all.
#17. Oakland Raiders – Took until the 4th quarter to distance themselves from Geno Smith. GENO. SMITH.
#16. New York Jets – Two more games go their way in the end and you’re looking at the current 5-seed
#15. Los Angeles Chargers – How they’ve managed to climb back in it I’ll never know, but expect them to run off with the division now.
Tier #3: “If you start telling me, that it’s over, then retire”
#14. Green Bay Packers – SOMEHOW, they’re 6-6. To make things worse, Rodgers might be back soon. Can’t even get them out of the picture for one damn season.
#13. Detroit Lions – Another mid team that cannot take their talents on the road. Stafford is the team. The team is Stafford.
#12. Tennessee Titans – If we wanna be really real for real, they’re an average team that does enough to squeak by every week. They’ll get either the division win or the 5-seed, but they’re going out round 1.
#11. Baltimore Ravens – I’ll say it until we get to the postseason, but if they can figure out their offense, pray.
#10. Seattle Seahawks – Impressive win against the “best” team in the NFC (not by my standards, fake news). Russell should be a frontrunner for MVP for all he’s doing for that team’s offense.
#09. Atlanta Falcons – 9 points. Somehow the defense played strong even down 3 DBs. That’s ridiculous.
#08. Jacksonville Jaguars – They’re probably taking the division….and also going out first round.
Tier #2: HELLO
#07. Carolina Panthers – Saints didn’t embarrass them per se, but they have dominated them twice now.
#06. Pittsburgh Steelers – They keep squeezing out close games, the plus side is they know how to win them. The downside is the Bengals won’t be in the playoffs.
#05. Philadelphia Eagles – Told y’all they weren’t what their record said they were, however, they ARE still a solid football team. Don’t be lulled to sleep by a wack performance.
#04. New Orleans Saints – Several teams have shown the blueprint to beat them (Rams), it’s just a matter of whether or not you can actually pull it off
Tier #1: YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME
#03. Los Angeles Rams – I don’t know what to really make of this team. They’re really good, but their flaws are really exploitable, but they’re also really good at knowing those flaws and working to keep you from exploiting said flaws by adhering to a strict game plan. I don’t know.
#02. New England Patriots – There are only 1.5 teams that can stop them in the AFC: Baltimore and half of Jacksonville
#01. Minnesota Vikings – Most complete team in the league lead by a QB whose career has been resurrected through what can only be stated as Pro Bowl play. Strong running game and one of the most dangerous WR duos in the league. The only thing stopping them from being the 98 team is the fact that the offense isn’t as explosive and not a soul out there is going to mistake Theilen for Moss.