Oh it’s here buddy.
It’s. Freaking. Here.
March 1st is upon us, which means it’s time to kick off our annual foray into the previous year’s failures. It’s MARCH SADNESS baby. We revealed our one-seeds a few weeks ago, and will reveal the rest of the bracket today. Here’s how the game works.
Once the brackets are set in motion, you will have a few days to fill yours out and submit your brackets to me via e-mail or DM. Day by day we will post our #MarchSadness polls on Twitter via @TheKWCBlog for voting. After the people have decided the “winner” of each round, we’ll continue moving forward, just like one does the NCAA Tournament.
So what’s up for the winner? Well, you’ll win a cool free T-Shirt from the KWC Blog! (Which you can purchase here if you’re impatient)
Now onward to our contestants!
REGION 1: CRYING JORDAN REGION
This region is mainly reserved for sports personalities or teams, but like all regions is open to anyone once I run out of ideas.
1. Atlanta Falcons – 25 point lead
2. Golden State Warriors – 3-1 lead
3. Ryan Lochte – Couldn’t even effectively make use of his privilege. Teammates called him out ASAP.
4. Rhonda Rousey – Possible mental issues aside, RR had a hyped up return only to get beat immediately. Yikes.
5. Cam Newton – All Lives Matter
6. Roger Goodell – Fought tooth and nail to have Brady suspended and the Pats still won it all. Jesus.
7. Cleveland Indians – You just blew a 3-1 World Series lead to a club that hadn’t won a ship since BEFORE prohibition. Open the door and let that sink in.
8. Lane Kiffin – Saban didn’t want him anymore, and he absolutely hates FAU, you can tell. Help.
9. Rio 2016 – Everything about it
10. Jerry Rice – Someone needs to take his twitter account away, he’s your older uncle with internet access and a basic understanding of memes
11. Cleveland Browns – 1-15.
San Diego Los Angeles Chargers – The other team LA doesn’t want.
REGION 2: Politics
1. Hillary Clinton – You’ve been waiting on this since your husband left office in 2001. You had a shot at 2008 but a young upstart beat you in the primary. You finally walk through the 2016 primary, only to be beat by a man with 0 experience because you did the only thing you couldn’t do with this campaign….screw it up.
2. Bernie Sanders – Essentially got locked out the Democratic primary, but I’m not so sure he even beats Trump
3. Chris Freaking Christie – This man has been treated like the sitcom neighbor that no one wants around. From being the GOP Front Runner to being the butt of Trump’s jokes, nothing has gone right for Christie since 2015 really. Jesus man, get it together.
4. Ted Cruz and his Wife – 45 came at your neck SEVERAL times. SEVERAL. And you were coldcalling for him at the end. Yikes.
5. Donald Trump – The “45th” president of the United States CLEARLY hates his job. He wants nothing more to be in Florida on weekends, and in his gold tower on Weekdays.
6. Melania Trump – The FLOTUS hates hers too.
7. Jeb Bush – “Please, clap”
8. Governor Dr. Doctor Robert Bentley – Depends on how you look at it I guess, but this creep had his whole marriage put on blast in the course of a year. Buddy hired the husband of his mistress to basically keep his mouth shut for 90k/yr. I know it’s cheap to live in Alabama, but you can’t even pay ME off for that little.
9. The Democratic Party – This can’t be stated enough. They failed HORRIBLY. Like, they had a layup and shot it over the goal.
10. The Republican Party – They won. Yeah, they did, but bubbling beneath all the joy is the fact that they’re dealing with someone they cannot control in the White House and they’re just trying to make sure he doesn’t throw a tantrum.
11. Tonya LaTrice – Wale, rapper who the culture as a whole kind of ignores until he releases a project or two, sonned you so bad that it is now a running joke for you to no longer be called by your real name
12. Trevor Noah – We see you.
REGION 3: Music
1. Soulja Boy – Fake stories about Dracos and cancelled fights with Chris Brown, Soulja Boy might have had the roughest year in rap…
2. Nicki Minaj – Late entry to our list, but Nicki took a MASSIVE L just before registration deadlines closed, thanks to Remy Ma
3. Meek Mill – You don’t get off that easily. Go take more Instagram photos in one-colored track suits with your hands in your pockets, sad.
5. The Billboard Award’s Prince Tribute – It was so bad BET had to save us and no one has looked to BET for anything hopeful in at least a decade
6. Troy Ave – Dude is just trash
7. Views – Album is just trash
8. Bow Wow – Career is just trash
9. J. Cole – Album was just trash
10. Kanye West – Get help.
11. Frank Ocean – Frank Ocean had everyone waiting for him to drop an album for years, then dropped two and had everyone forget about both of them within 2 weeks. Sad!
12. Vine – Had a going out of business sale. RIP.
REGION 4: The Field
1. America – Trump is President and Russia has access to a lot of our secrets. This will be fun.
2. Dr. Phil – Got sonned by a 13 year old years ago, and now she’s famous. I don’t understand the internet, no one does, but you sir, are its latest victim.
3. Samsung – You don’t get to have phones blow up in people’s faces and think we’re going to forget about it. Nah fam.
4. La La Land – You got ALL the Oscars…except one….that you initially had….but the wrong card was read
5. Faye Dunnaway – I see you, you don’t get out of this
5. The UK – #Brexit, Left the EU, don’t worry, America’s got your back! We’ll screw ourselves over globally too!
6. The Cincinnati Zoo – They’re responsible for Harambe being a thing. Great job guys.
7. Wells Fargo – *Future Voice* lawsuits lawsuits lawsuits lawsuits lawsuits
8. Brock Osweiler – I know it’s sports related, but dude is traaaash
9. Billy Bush – Got more heat for the “Grab them” comment than anyone else.
10.Taylor Swift – Took a lot of social Ls, still making Ms though, so…
11. Tay (Microsoft AI that got hacked)
12. The Mannequin Challenge – died as quickly as it rose to prominence. 2016’s “Harlem Shake”
You can fill your brackets out here, or just submit your final four to us at firstname.lastname@example.org!